When things just don’t seem to be going our way we often wonder who is in control. It’s been said that if we are not in control of our lives, then someone else is. If that’s true, we certainly don’t want someone else in control of our lives. To avoid the prospect of losing control entirely, we must take some steps to correct the situation. Here are a few tips that will point you to the road of your own self control.

1. Practice Love and Affection (Your Friends and Family)
You don’t have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn’t touch! Personal touch does make a difference.

2. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help Someone in Need
Everyone feels good when they help someone. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your energy to help others. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return. Too many have expounded on that for it not to have meaning.

3. Use Interruptions to Combat Thinking of Negative Outcomes
If you find yourself frequently focusing on what could go wrong with something or how a situation could go against you, a great way to stop is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Do not hyper-focus on something negative. It’s never productive, because it’s not rational or solution-oriented, it’s just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment - go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

4. Look for Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking. However we can never be sure. Our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member’s bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don’t waste your time worrying you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is actually something to worry about.

5. Try Not to Use Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner or a friend “You’re always late!” or complained to a friend “You never call me!”? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like makes the situation seem worse than it is. Refrain from using ‘always’ and ‘never’ and it will go a long way to ease any tensions between others and yourself. It will keep your brain from believing that certain people are incapable of delivering if you don’t associate them with always late, never on time, etc.

If you’re prone to losing control to situations when you know of feel you should have had the situation go your way then you need to gain more control of what happens to you. Take a hint from the above tips and make a conscious effort to exert some control over the situations you find yourself in.

About the Author
Charles is a software developer. He also writes articles for websites. A growing interest of his is online dating - visit http://unlonely.com. If you travel or wish to travel, visit Travellistics - http://Travellistics.com. Charles is writing about the real life story of Mr. Q, someone with Alzheimer’s disease.

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Do you ever feel that you are either losing or not in control of yourself or your situation? When things do not seem to be going our way this is a common feeling. “Just who is the Boss?” So often it seems that we are not truly the boss because so many things are not going our way.

Here are five ways to help gain control of yourself and your situation. Things such as time management, goal setting, record tracking and positive thinking.

Many of us develop negative thinking patterns when we become frustrated by our challenges and feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it harder for us to manage the sometimes tough challenges we face. We need to get past those and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows us to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This in turn allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck in a rut. Here are a few tips or suggestions that you can use to help you shift into a more positive thinking frame of mind

1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It’s much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Be Grateful: There ARE things to be Grateful for, aren’t there?
Stresses and challenges don’t seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Increase Your Social Activity
By increasing your social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way! Don’t stay home and mope. Get out. Even such things as going to the movies (not sad ones) can help. Make some new friends if you don’t have any. Being conversational will help in that regard. Try to be outgoing.

4. Squash the “ANTs”
In his book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” Dr. Daniel Amen talks about “ANTs” - Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like “This letter is from the IRS, it must be bad news” or “The boss wants to see me in her office? It must be bad!” When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

5. Eliminate or Reduce Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can’t hold any power over you if you don’t entertain or judge them. When you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, don’t follow it. Replace it with a positive thought. It may not be easy, but if you can replace all your negative thoughts with related positive thoughts you are well on your way to regaining real control of yourself.

If your current situation seems out of your control you must make some changes and these simple tips can help bring about the needed changes. Next time you have a moment to yourself read and reflect on these suggestions. Make a conscious effort to implement them whenever you can and it will go a long way toward changing your situation for the better.

About the Author

Charles is a software developer. He also writes articles for websites. One of his favorite interests is using the Internet for online dating - visit http://unlonely.com. For garden articles and information visit My Garden Delight to glean garden information. Charles is writing about the real life story of Mr. Q, someone with Alzheimer’s disease.

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Depression: You can have it too

has been added to http://self-help-tactics.com.

Sometimes a person has issues that they are not able to handle. There are different reasons why people suffer from depression. Having depression is something that is normal. However some people cannot handle it effectively and need help. You need to make sure that you are getting the help you need and making the right choices in your life to get you through the problems you are going through. You need to find out what is the cause of your depression and find a way to get through it.

Many theories abound about what causes depression. A very commonly accepted theory suggests two naturally occurring chemicals, norepinephrine and serotonin and, can affect your basic mood. They can also affect the pain symptoms associated with depression according to the theory. These are chemical messengers. They aid communication between areas of the brain and the spinal cord. The areas that are affected are the emotional reactions and makeup of a person.

Read the full article on depression.

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Some of us may have depression and not even realize it. I had been recently wondering more and more am I suffering from depression. I knew about the symptoms of depression, but I could not believe that this wasn’t just another bad case of the blues. After all, I had been moody and down on my luck before, but I had always bounced back. I did not have any reason to think that it would be any different this time.

My so-called symptoms of depression had legitimate causes in the real world. I had just lost a job, broken up with my girlfriend, and begun to question whether I was on the right path in my life. I didn’t need treatments for depression, I needed to get a new job, figure things out, and get my life back together.

Clinical depression: Depression that meets the DSM-IV criteria for a depressive disorder. The term is usually used to denote depression that is not a normal, temporary mood caused by life events or grieving. DSM describes symptoms and does not discuss the causes of the disorders.

The depression article is located here: http://www.self-help-tactics.com/?page_id=21

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Oftentimes people live for the weekends just because they find their work environments stressful for them. Some common stress factors at work include presentations, anxiety when your boss is around you, office gossip, and office politics. Some of us get real anxious and stressed out over impending deadlines.

Living for the weekends cuts out a large chunk of your time during the week. It puts your life on hold in a big way. Living for two days out of seven means a big waste of your time. Situations like this require some definite action on your part to help ease the stress you’re experiencing.

Sometimes we have to step out of the box to solve stress problems. Toastmasters is a helpful organization available in many larger communities that helps people practice their presentations and learn skills to feel comfortable in group meetings. This can assist you in improving your focus as well as speech skills and can help you also with writing. All the typical “buts”, “ands”, and “ifs” are more eloquently re-phrased through training. Toastmasters and similar groups can help in this.

Such training will have an impact on your presentations as well as even casual conversations with people in upper management. Your presentations will become more professional, putting you in a good light with your superiors on the job. That certainly can’t hurt and can potentially open doors for you in the future.

If you experience undue stress that is related to interpersonal relationships such as that between you and your boss or you and co-workers, first examine your communication skills and personality style. Are you too passive? Are you too blunt? Do you think before you blurt out an answer or criticism?

Is there anything you do that may help contribute to the problem? This might require some critical thinking or self introspection to get at the answer. Sometimes its a good policy to be neutral in situations where you can if you don’t have much to contribute.

It’s important to avoid participating in office gossip. It can often backfire. If it does, you could then be the focus of these petty conversations. You’re not one to show off or try to one-up others in an effort to be noticed are you? That’s a game that’s difficult to win for it can lead to loads of gossip and strong feelings and talk against you.

Some situations that occur with one’s boss may sometimes be touchy. Your employer can feel you aren’t doing enough or even view you as a potential competitor and threat if you are working at an above average level. Doing your best, asking for suggestions and staying away from any job taboos like making or receiving loads of personal phone calls, surfing the Internet, being a few minutes late several times a week, etc is important.

Don’t let you boss’s personality quirks get to you. If others are speaking about certain traits of your boss that you also find annoying, you can get at least some validation it’s not just you. Still, things may not change at work unless your boss seeks therapy. Of course that will almost surely never happen so you’ll have try to make the best of each situation.

Changing jobs is always an option but you need to study your own work history to see if you would find the same difficulties in a new situation. After evaluating your situation then you can make an informed decision about whether leaving will be a fresh start for you or may end up just repeating the same patterns.

It’s possible you might have to just “bite the bullet” and make changes in yourself to accommodate better those situations that cause problems or excessive stress for you. It’s hard for an outsider to tell you what to do without knowing the exact situation, but often they can see things you overlook or take for granted that could ease some situations and stress.

An example of this might be one of my son’s friends. I assumed he was irresponsible from knowing him from childhood. He was now about twenty-two and apparently didn’t care enough about his job to keep a job, let alone advance. Let’s call him Jacob. Jacob had many jobs, but none lasted long at all. He somehow got a decent job, making good money for his lack of a college education or even experience in anything that counted.

I voiced my opinion to my son not to loan him any money – Jacob was just too unreliable to pay it back. If you met Jacob you would think he was such a nice person, which he is. He doesn’t hang around the wrong crowd, doesn’t drink, doesn’t use dope and seems like a model twenty-two year old.

Jacob had no car so my son loaned him some money to buy a used car, thinking it would help Jacob get to and from his job easily. It wasn’t but a short time later that Jacob wrecked the car. Shortly afterwards Jacob had an argument with his boss and was fired.

It’s been three years since then and Jacob has had one or two other jobs that lasted a few weeks. He was kicked out of his house. Although he worked only a few weeks the past three years he somehow managed to go through three more cars, all becoming wrecked and trashed. Of course my son is still out of the thousand dollars or so that he loaned Jacob. Jacob still hasn’t made the common sense changes needed to keep a job. It’s clear to everyone else that Jacob needs to change or he will never hold a long term job. Sometimes it takes self evaluation and changes to advance.

If you can’t leave your job and it seems that the situations that are stressful will be ongoing, then you can use the workplace setting to develop or improve skills such as how to express yourself, having patience, and dealing with work situations that test your resolve. This will carry into all your activities and you will gain personal growth through being in a challenging situation that forces you to look inwards and continuously be on your toes.

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