You Can Rebuild Your Self-Esteem After A Divorce
By Cozee Cackel
When your divorce occurs, often you feel as though your life has been shattered. You need to eliminate these feelings as soon as possible so you can get on with your life. Right away you should start leading the life of a single person. Yes it will be difficult, maybe seem impossible, but you should force yourself to have a date on a frequent basis.
This may be very difficult, and if so, a date on a less hurried schedule will still help you to change your mindset quicker than sitting around moping over your misfortune. Or is it a misfortune? Only you will know, and a lot depends on your former relationship with your spouse.
Get out and around
Start noticing other people, join the activities of the singles crowd, and get back into the swing of things. This doesn’t necessarily mean going to bars and other local hangouts of the singles crowd. You can be much more discrete, even though it may take longer. The many online dating sites make the discrete part easy and much more focused.
Keep your mouth shut on this
You should avoid talking about your ex-spouse With your dates. If you feel you have to talk about your divorce, pick a special friend or attend some of the organized sessions for divorced persons in your area. You never know how talking about your situation will affect a stranger so avoid that potential problem.
Keep expectations moderate
It is important, however, that you don’t expect too much of yourself too soon. Generally it takes about two years for the victim of a divorce to get over the hurt and for most of the scars to heal. Don’t think or believe you’re ready for a permanent relationship any sooner. Doing so is like living in a make believe world and could have you heading for a repeat of your past mistakes.
Divorce doesn’t mean the you were a failure. There are so many reasons for a divorce it would be foolish to lump it into a single reason in the majority of cases. Your self-esteem can be saved and even rebuilt to a healthy state by moving on with your life.
Your self-esteem is important
Your self-esteem, what you think of yourself in relationship to other people, is critical for everyone. Its underlying currents make you the person you are. Your self-esteem is the basic force behind your success or failure in life.
Think well of yourself, and you’ll do well. Think disparagingly of yourself, and, well you’ll probably end up in another bad situation. Our thoughts seem to make up our reality more often than not. So keep up your self-image and it will help in many ways.
Regardless of whether you’re the perpetrator or the victim, the experience of going through a divorce is going to damage your self-esteem. In fact, the blow dealt to one’s self-esteem by divorce is lethal enough to drive anyone to the brink of insanity.
Accept your feelings
What you must do is think of your divorce, the end of your marriage, as you would the death of someone you loved. In all reality, that’s what it is. There is a period of letting go, a period of feeling guilty because you didn’t do or say all the things you might have. Also you’ll feel anger because it didn’t work out the way you hoped it would. You may feel you need a period of reconciliation because you think maybe if you try again, it will all work out. Ultimately you need to finally accept the situation.
Everyone who has ever been through a divorce or is still recovering from one, has either lived through each of these recovery stages, or is still in one of them. It’s all normal, and a part of the necessary healing that takes place. Once the healing is over you will be able to enjoy happiness again.
Rebuild your self-esteem
The most important and the very first thing you must do following the break-up of any kind of relationship, is to get started on the rebuilding of your self-esteem. This means that you have to accept the fact that neither you or anyone else is perfect. Make up your mind that you will learn from your mistakes and will work toward what you seek in life.
Immediately, do something that makes you feel good, something you’ve been wanting to do for some time or have wanted to do, but never could. This could be getting a make-over, buying a new suit, enrolling in a self-improvement course, starting a business, or even taking a well deserved vacation.
Whatever it is try to do something for you to help make you feel good again and take your mind off the divorce situation. You must not lock yourself in your house or apartment. You must not be afraid to get out and associate with people. You must not stop wanting to enjoy life! It’s yours to enjoy.
You may have to force yourself, but you must forget about mourning your loss and continue on with your life. You must go on with your life with a stronger determination than ever before. To be the person you want to be will take even more determination and effort after a divorce than normal. Don’t get bogged down with feelings of guilt. Get rid of your anger as quickly as possible. Forget about the past. Get on with the rest of your life with minimum delay.
Have consideration towards others
Revitalize those ambitions that have been relegated to the back of your mind, and consider this particular time in your life as an opportunity for a new start. Do some introspection relative to what it is you want out of life. Reorganize your time and effort to attain those goals, and go for, big time.
After all is said and done, the kind of person you are and how you get along in the world you live in, is up to you. The most powerful assistance for attaining happiness anyone has, is in what they says, feel, and believes about themselves.
When things are not quite right, the first thing that needs to be changed is your disposition, your attitude, your feelings and responses towards other people. Think about your facial expressions and tone of your voice when talking with people. Being aware of these things with consideration towards others, will shine through and allow other people to want to know you better.
Let go of the past
You have to forget about, and let go of, the past. Anything and everything that happened yesterday is long gone and cannot be changed. You have the rest of your life from this moment on, to achieve love, happiness, fame and fortune.
Whatever it is you want in life can be yours. All that’s necessary to make any dream come true is a true understanding of what you want, and determination on your part to make it all happen according to your plan. Think about what you want and prepare yourself to receive it. Focus your efforts on fulfilling your dreams. That’s the first step toward realization of your dreams. They may not happen right away, and you cannot expect such good luck, but stick with it and never give up.
Move on with your life
So, the first thing in rebuilding one’s self-esteem after a divorce, or the loss of a loved one under any circumstances, is to understand why you feel hurt, and what is necessary for you to do to be happy again. It is essential that you think in terms of the kind of life you want for yourself. Know that you can have what you want because you’ve laid the foundation. That puts you on a positive road towards achievement of your goals. However to accomplish any goals you set forth you need to start taking action.
In simple terms, it hurts. You may be down, but you’re not out. Don’t waste time thinking about or rehashing the past because there’s no way to change the past. Quickly pick up the pieces and get on with your life.
Give yourself some time. Wanting to get over your current situation, or to make something better out of your life is half the battle. Consider that the first step has already been taken. The next step is yours to take so don’t dwell to long. Every little bit helps. Get busy. Meet more people. Your companion is waiting for you to find them.
Copyright © Cozee Cackel
Cozee is a software developer who creates websites and writes articles. Cozee is interested in making money online. Self-esteem and self-improvement is a big goal of Cozee. Cozee is also interested in world travel destinations.
Published by admin on July 29th, 2007 tagged Self-esteem
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July 29th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
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October 5th, 2007 at 4:40 am
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October 9th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
[…] admin wrote a fantastic post today on “You Can Rebuild Your Self-Esteem After A Divorce”Here’s ONLY a quick extractSo keep up your self-image and it will help in many ways. Regardless of whether you’re the perpetrator or the victim, the experience of going through a divorce is going to damage your self-esteem. In fact, the blow dealt to one’s … […]